By Stefan Gestwicki
Star Contributing Writer
This is the second part in a series about annoying golfers. Honestly, this could probably go on forever. We’ve all encountered some real peaches out on the golf course, right?
Last week, I wrote about the following “guys”: The Chronically Late Guy; The Unprepared Guy; The Pro VI Guy; The Foot Wedge Guy; The Never Shuts Up Guy and the dreaded Can’t Keep Score Guy. If you missed it, you should really go back and read that one because those are some truly awful “guys” (obviously these can be women, too — egregious behavior follows no gender guidelines).
Here are some more stereotypical golfers you should avoid becoming:
- The None Shall Pass Guy — This is definitely more of a group trait, but I couldn’t omit it from the list because this one truly gets my blood boiling. I almost exclusively play as a twosome with a cart. Compared to most groups, we play lightning fast. So when we get behind a foursome that’s seemingly oblivious to our existence, our play comes to a screeching halt. I’m not sure if there’s anything in the official golf etiquette handbook about this, but there should be. Just step aside for three minutes and let us play through, please.
- The Tee Box Revenge Guy — On the flip side of the first one is that guy who thinks it’s okay to tee off when the group ahead of him isn’t out of range yet. Yes, they probably should have let us play through, but let’s take the high road here and not send a potentially devastating missile towards their heads. Just be like the rest of us and utter some words of disbelief about how slow that group is.
- The “I Found It” Guy — Have you ever played with the guy whose ball just happens to miraculously bounce out of the trees every single time? Have you ever caught that same player trying to inconspicuously drop another ball from their pocket? Com’on, man. We all saw you slice the living daylights out of that one. The ball is never coming back. Note that this is often the same guy as The Pro VI Guy from Part 1 of this series.
- The Shot Even Par Yesterday Guy — We all have good days and bad days on the links. But that you really shot a 75 your last time out when you’re flirting with 110 this time seems unlikely. Maybe one of these days someone will actually witness one of these miraculous rounds you’re always talking about. This guy is most likely a fisherman, too.
- The Music Man — This one heralds back to The Never Shuts Up Guy from part one, but The Music Man is so much worse because he bothers everyone within a three-hole radius. Golfers are distracted by noise. They don’t want talking, cars going by or music playing when they’re taking their cuts. So the guy that rides around with a veritable boom box (this is still 1992, right?) in their cart has to be one of the most hated people on the course. And at least play something good if you’re going to bother everyone.
- The Texter — When I golf, I put my phone in my bag and I don’t look at it again until I’m done. My wife knows that she won’t be able to reach me for a few hours. Like many, I enjoy the camaraderie that comes with golf. You catch up. You reminisce about old times. You talk about that awesome shot you just had. Then there’s the guy who spends the whole time texting the girl he just met online. I’m sure this one bothers me more than most because I have far too much experience with it, but still, don’t be this guy.
That’s a wrap for another edition of Don’t Be “THAT” Guy. Considering how annoying these traits are in people, it’s actually really putting me in the mood to golf. How much longer until April or whenever we can all golf again?
Well, until then, golf is great. Go get some.